Platitudes don't validate emotions

In the book, Black Pearls, Lucy and Reuben initially conceal their inner pain from one another. Concealing true feelings extends beyond fiction and often casts a haunting shadow over people’s lives. For various reasons, such as feeling ashamed of the situation or fearing negative judgments, people often keep their true feelings hidden from others.

Saying meaningless words

A big culprit for people not opening up about what is really going on inside of them is the fear of being recited a platitude. While platitudes are nice to read, they do little to validate how a person is feeling. How often don’t we hear or even say ourselves? ‘you are strong, you have this,’ or ‘if anyone can get through this, you can.’

While it is nice that people perceive us as strong, it doesn't diminish the weight of our pain.

Imagine witnessing a robust, fit individual gasping for breath, and their complexion turning a dark shade of blue as they choke on something. The best course of action would be to either attempt the Heimlich manoeuvre or seek immediate help. This would not be the moment to offer them a meaningless platitude. ‘Oh, don’t worry. If anyone can survive this, you will, because you are strong and healthy.’

Clearly, a platitude will not work in these circumstances.

Why then do we offer platitudes when a person is emotionally choking or suffering from acute physical pain?

Comforting someone with loving arms

In times of vulnerability, even the most resilient individuals yearn for a comforting touch as their tears fall. Their deepest desire is to be cocooned in arms that provide the solace that words cannot convey. Or they simply hanker for someone to offer them a compassionate ear, ready to hear their deepest thoughts and emotions. Talking is healing. It releases the valve to pent-up feelings. It is like the steam being released during pressure cooking.

It's okay to feel anger and fear when faced with the diagnosis of a life-altering disease, or a change in your circumstances.

Courage

Courage is not the absence of fear in the face of death, illness, or any adversity, but the determination to walk towards it with unwavering resolve. Crying is an instinctive response when emotions become overwhelming, and there is no shame in it. Tear ducts are a natural part of our anatomy, serving as a reminder that nature intended for us to cry.

In the eyes, one can glimpse the genuine emotions of the soul, like a reflection in a mirror. Never assume someone is happy because they are smiling. Look carefully into their eyes when they smile. If the expression in their eyes doesn’t match the smile, look closer to see what they are reflecting.

Hurting Souls

Platitudes don’t validate a person’s emotions, you do when you reflect what they are feeling. When someone is crying, a platitude offers no comfort. The soothing sensation of your hand or the warm embrace of your loving arms provides comfort.